I wrote this May 2nd but apparently it didn't post so here it is (I will move it to May 2nd in a few days):I’m sad right now but hopeful. I spoke with my friend who lives in another state Sat night early Sunday morning around 1:40am. She called me and I missed the first call because I was sleep. I answered the second call. She was crying and I begin talking with her. She sounded out of it.
She told me she wanted to die I asked if she had done anything and she said yeah that she started taking 4-5 Xanax and another medication at a time and had take at least half of two different bottles. We talked it through it turned out she had taken at least 60 Xanax and I couldn’t understand how many of the other. We talked for about 30min then I told her I loved her and wanted her to live. I reminded her of our deal me made together. I reminded her that I’m alive because of her. I told her If I was close I would come over and make sure she got to the hospital. She keep asking me how do I continue to live with what I’ve gone through and I said because of you and our pack and I’m not going to let you down. So I told her she had a couple choices one for her to go wake up her husband and let me talk to him so he could get her help, or I would call the police to come to her house. She just saw her therapist that day (Sat) and promised not to do anything. When that’s all you can think about a promise means nothing and that’s when you reach out for help again. Sometimes you can only take it one hour at a time.
Mind you during our conversation I was online trying to figure out the city she lived in because I could not remember due to me being under the influence of my sleeping meds myself. I looked up her area code and then I recognized the city. I checked my e-mail for her last name because I could not remember jack. So I finally got it all and was ready to call the police if I needed to. I finally convinced her to wake up her husband and to let me talk to him. She did after talking to her for almost an hour. I told him my name and that I was a friend of his wife and that I had been talking to her for about 50min or so and that she had taken an overdose of pills and needed to go to the hospital. He sighed and said OK.
I waited on the phone because I didn’t know if he was going to give the phone back to her or what. I heard him ask her what she fucking took she couldn’t really explain because I could barely understand her toward the end of the call. He was mad and dropping the F bomb a lot. She took the bottles with her just as I asked her to so she could give them to him. She gave him the bottles and then he started commenting on how much she took. All I was thinking was call the police and quit yelling at her. The phone hung up then I called the local sheriff office and told them I didn’t have an address but a phone number and if they could check to see if she’s OK and gave them her name. I was put on hold several times and then told that her husband just called for an ambulance. I felt a relief after that and said thank you and hung up.
Before the call tonight I hadn’t talked to her since February. She said to me on the phone people and family always say call if you need me and the only person I thought of was you. I told her I was glad she called and that I will always be here for her no matter what. Her and I have been through a lot in our short lives.
My friend and I made a pack together last year and this was when I was going through a really rough time myself and wanted to die. My friend had already had her fair share of death in her family. Because we got so close and connected I told her I choose to live for her so I wrote her a check and made it out to “Life” My friend best friend just died and that’s why she is struggling right now and it’s bring up her feeling of loosing someone close to her. She also deals with her only son death a few years ago while he was a teenager daily in her mind. He got upset one day and went to his room and 5min later she heard a shot-gun go off then she ran to his room and found her son with his head blown off. She deals with a lot and to find your son like that has got to be a mothers worst nightmare. My heart hurts for her a lot but I am here for her no matter what people say.
Last year her therapist told her that it would be best if her and I did not have contact with each other because of the things I was going through and if I killed myself she would be re traumatized and her husband agreed. These were two people judging me without knowing me. So we haven’t spoken much since but WE know WE are there for each other no matter what. We don’t have to talk everyday to know that. Because they don’t know me they fear the unknown so don’t judge me if you don’t know me. She told me what her therapist said the day she told her and wanted to give me a heads up if we don’t talk as much because of it but that we would still talk and be friends. If I need her she is there to talk to and if she needs me I’m there.
Depending on what happen over the next couple days I may go visit her next week if she is home and spend sometime there with her. I’ve never meet her husband but he knows of me I know this is tough for him also. I wish him and my friend well. I will just wait to hear from her.
UPDATE:
Her husband called me at 4:15am and said she’s OK and their at the hospital and they were going to keep her and wanted to thank me for being there for her and for having her wake him up and that he really appreciate it. I told him it was no problem and that once she got out I could drive up there to spend sometime with her if she needed it and he thanked me for that and said that maybe good for her and if you did that I could fly you out so you wont have to do the long drive and I told him I’m fine either way. He said OK we will be in touch.
