100th Post

I have not been doing well lately this would include both mentally and physically. As my regular readers have noticed I twitter more than I blog now. This may be the most annoying post you have read on my blog (or maybe not) I am going to post 100 random things that most likely won't flow or make sense. Just know it's all true. Sometimes you just need to release whats in your head. This will probably be the most you ever get out of me about me and my life/experiences. So buckle your seat belt and welcome to my world/brain for a moment.

1. I'm sick of people bullshit

2. My **** *** **** ** ***

3. I want to leave this fucking country

4. My brain/emotions have been triggered by Jaycee kidnapping since I was also kidnapped as a child.

5. Why can't people accept you and your decisions they don't live your life so why tell them what you think is best for them

6. I love skittles the red pack of course

7. I just bought a pair of Juicy Couture sunglasses $100+ of course

8. Lately I've been thinking about dying and yes that means killing myself, but don't worry it will not be a huge shocker shit happens right

9. I know who my true friends are and I'm questioning one of them in my mind

10. My mom needs to get her shit together and quit falling "in love" with pedophiles

11. No amount of money will make you happy giving it to others makes me happy

12. Cubicles suck ass (Unless you sit next to BreJ)

13. I hate rap and music with profanity (I know and I'm using a lot of it right now :) )

14. I can't stand nosey people who want to be in your business

15. Less than a week ago I helped change someone mind about being baptized It felt good

16. Needy people irritate the hell out of me

17. I love watching Big Brother with my Ex for some reason it makes both of us happy

18. I use to model for American Eagle

19. I'm fluent in sign language and sometimes I wish I was deaf

20. Panda pisses me off every week

21. I'm a sucker for red heads, but I'm scared of what my children would look like o_O

22. My back hurts so bad everyday and if I took the medications I'm suppose to I would be addicted

23. I have watched people die in front of me and in my arms(and no I was never in the military)

24. I do not believe in a burning Hell

25. I believe that people who are convicted of child abuse should get life in prison and if convicted of murdering a child they should get Death

26. I am truly a Geek if you haven't already noticed

27. I really want a rotary phone I like the way they ring

28. When I use to live alone and I only had one bathroom in the apartment I would lock the door so no one could use it (people nasty!!!)

29. I have never been to jail

30. I love target shooting, but I won't use a target that is an animal

31. I am a SRA/DID survivor

32. It's amazing how this stuff just flows out of my head it's kinda scary to think that I have experience so much shit in my short life

33. I'm unsure about Marriage

34. Lately Xanax has been my best friend , but I'm not addicted (not yet)

35. I really want to be on the Amazing Race

36. I am terrrrrified of roaches I wont even kill them I scream and sometimes cry

37. I miss being in Love

38. I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion

39. Holidays freak me out so I always go to a movie on them (long story)

40. I have a lot of patience for children, but I don't for adults

41. I love getting pedicures

42. Red is my favorite color , but I really like pink too

43. I believe you should only kiss someone's ass if it depends on your survival (meaning death)

44. I've never worked in a restaurant or fast food place

45. When I moved to this state I saved 1K a year and in 10years I had over 10k so I bought my mom a car

46. My lil brother is a selfish lil Prick

47. My moms side of the family are Assholes

48. I'm surprised I'm still alive

49. I'm starting to feel a little better getting this crap off my chest

50. Why is it when you are accused of doing something your close family members don't ask if you did it only associates or strangers ask........ hmmm very interesting.......

51. I really enjoy blogging, but the thoughts I've had this summer are too crazy/scary to share

52. If someone asks me a question I am honest and tell them what I think. So why do they get mad if your too honest? Why ask?

53. Damn this is going to be a long Post I know were past 50 so if you need to stop reading I'm ok with it I don't blame you one bit

54. I stand for truth and righteousness

55. I delight in service and good works

56. I would die for my family

57. I would sacrifice myself to help others regardless of the consequences

58. I really love crushed ice by itself or in drinks

59. I eat pretzels everyday

60. Here is one that will blow your mind... I was conceived while my father was serving a life sentence (very long story)

61. I want to be cremated

62. I'm a Big kid at heart

63. My next computer will be a MAC I'm done with Windows (I'm still going to play City of Heroes)

64. I really dislike peanut butter

65. I order my pizza with no sauce

66. I love to cook and I'm good at it

67. When I grow up I'm going to be Canadian

68. Traveling means freedom

69. I kinda question someone if they don't have a passport or care to get one it just seems odd to me

70. Take me as I am

71. I am a unique individual and sometimes wonder why

72. I hate sleeping I normally only get 3-4hrs a night

73. I love playing video games

74. I'm an artist and love to create things and I love anime

75. I totally dislike coffee, but I love the smell of it

76. I want to go skydiving, but I can never find anyone to do it with me I don't want to do it alone
77. I'm unsure if I ever want to get married

78. I really want a pet but I'm allergic to dogs and cats

79. I could work in the dark all day if I was given the opportunity

80. Where have I been? I just discovered Wingstop OMG they have the best fries and wings of course

81. When I'm in my car I sing like I'm a superstar

82. I know every last word to the Wayne's World and Ninja Turtle movies (and I drive BreJ nuts)

83. I wonder how many people will make it this far down my list Honestly I don't know that I would read all 100 unless I kinda know the person

84. I gag when people have really bad body odor and if I have to work or be around them I breath through my mouth all day (cough cough.... Brandon)

85. One day at a time and one hour at a time gets me through life

86. This week I was told I went "Loco" on my cubicle lol truth is I did (BreJ... ya)

87. I have a blackberry and I only use 10% of it's special features

88. I have a list of things I want to do before I die and it's almost complete

89. I want to meet the Dalai Lama

90. I do not like being micro managed nor do I get along with micro managers

91. You are probably thinking "What the Hell?" If so it's ok I don't mind

92. This is the first Friday in September 2009 and I'm still unsure why I'm still here among you all

93. Life is crazy, fun, boring, shocking, amazing, disappointing, and unpredictable

94. Why do bad things happen to good people?

95. Sometimes I'm a tease and I like it

96. I go to the movies at least twice a week (yeah, I know I'm a movie whore)

97. I do not like the taste of alcohol

98. I do not like the taste of chocolate but I like the way it feels in my mouth when it melts

99. I really like bacon

100. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY @(*_*)@

Thinking out loud

I'm trying to decide if I want to take up karate again. I feel I need a little more fitness in my life right now. I know swimming laps during lunch is good, but I need more. I really hate going to the gym by myself or running by myself. When I was active in running my good friend (sister) and I use to run together in the evenings after her husband and I got home from work she was a stay at home mom. Once her husband was settled in for a couple hours then I would drive over and off we went without the children she only had 2 children a baby and a toddler.

We would start it off going uphill on our route and it was near their house. We would run 5ks together just for the fun of it we never cared about time as long as we finished in less than an hour. We would run together 95% of the race until towards the end and then one of us would start sprinting. The best part of the race was seeing my Godchildren (nephew & niece) and their father at the end waiting for us to cross. I cannot describe the feeling but it was good.

About six months after our last race together her husband killed himself with his police issued weapon. Why? We will never know, but what I do know is that he left two beautiful children behind and I am grateful that her and the children were in another state when he did it. Statically if they were home he would have taken his family with him. He was a runner also he enjoyed longer races like 10ks so we left that to him to do and he had his family waiting for him at the end also.

Due to the him killing himself in the home she decided not to return to the home or even the State with the children. So I was left in charge while in my 20's of getting things shipped to her hiring someone to do a bio hazard clean up, hiring a Realtor to sell the house, locating 3 hidden weapons in the house he hid to give to the police so that they could be shipped to his father because she did not want them. Apparently weapons have to be shipped between police departments across state lines when changing ownership. I handle things very well under pressure it's just when it's all over that I break down. It's around that time of year I start thinking too much about this life experience. This is when I lost my running buddy. The first 5k race I ran after this I ran alone since she was living in another state. When I got to the finish line I literally had a panic attack it's funny now, but it wasn't then. I was use to having someone waiting at the end and I had flashes of him and the kids it was very traumatic. I still struggle with doing a race and having no one waiting at the end.

This is my brain on stress!

Remembering

This is one place I am very familiar with. I've had my share of attending funerals. This was the final destination after all the funerals I had attended growing up. The family I have lost up until this point have all been buried in a National Cemetery. I would visit the cemetery often growing up and knew exactly where everyone was even people I didn't know I would visit. When I was a teenager I would visit a very special family member frequently and I would fall asleep next to his headstone on different occasions along with the plastic flowers that were only allowed at the cemetery. This was the only reason I was late getting home as a teenager. Never once did I admit I had fallen asleep at the cemetery. The grounds keepers knew me by name and never bothered me unless I was sleep and they were locking the gate. If it was a nice night they would let me be they knew when I awoke I would just jump the wall to get out. Then the cemetery was declared full I didn't know what to expect. Another National Cemetery was built and my grandmother was the first in our family to be buried there. I was very disappointed when that happened because I had always
thought growing up that most of my family would be buried together, but I was young and naive.

I also had always thought that everyone had a flag on their casket until I attended a regular funeral. It was an odd moment .

Barns & Stables

So yesterday this girl I know asked me if I wanted to go to a dance/party and I said sure because I needed to get out and step outside my box and I hadn't spent much time with her in a while. The only condition was that I didn't want to drive. We met up and once we were on the road she gave me the address and I input it into my GPS navigation I did not realize until then that we were going to good ol Fort Collins. Then I regretted not wanting to drive considering it was going to take 2 1/2 hrs to get there. Once put into the GPS and it was loaded it stated our ETA was 9:13pm so I said to her "didn't you say it was over at 10pm?" she said "yes"I said "you do realize that were only going to be there for about an hour and then it would be over." She said "really" I said "yeah, do you still want to go?" she had that look on her face like she really wanted to go and she said "yes" I'm a sucker for that look from people only because I want the other person to be happy.

I said okay but your going to have to drive a little faster so we can get there sooner. It was the longest drive of my life and it took 3 hrs. We were going 30mph in a 75mph due to the rain (I mean her driving) on the highway. She was nervous driving in the rain lol lol I told her she could never drive us anywhere again and that I was driving back.

We arrive at the location and all we saw was a huge blue barn and stables. I was in AWE over the horses there had to be over 30 horses there. I wanted to stay with the horses especially this beautiful white one. Now I'm rambling......

Long story short we were at the wrong barn (O_x) so I made a phone call and we were 1/3 of a mile down the dirt road from the correct barn. We arrived there were a lot of vehicles and there stood the correct blue barn.

I ended up two stepping and doing the chicken dance while laughing my face off during the 1 hour we were there. Even though we spent more time in the car than at the dance I have to admit I had a lot of fun in one hour and there were a lot of Geeks there. I had my eye on this one geek. From the neck up he was hott! Below the neck he was 500% geek and all I could think about was taking him shopping and dressing him so it wasn't so obvious he was a geek. Now, I'm no fashion queen but he needed help. As it turned out this geek worked for the same company I work for go figure what are the chances! He was checking me out also, but since he was a true blood geek there was no way he was going to ask for my number. So I just told him to look me up at work and gave him my secret code name ^_^ Now the ball is in his court!

This is the short version (O^O)

Dance

It's official I'm a true GEEK I attended a Barn dance last night.

I'm still trying to comprehend what happen!

Details soon to come............

Slim Goodbody...

Anybody remember this nerdlick?I know it's not very nice but...GEEK!!