Heat

Sunday Secret

A PostSecret card posted on http://www.postsecret.com/ today that I can relate to :)

No Technology!

Hello to my faithful followers! My system has been on overload lately. So I have decided that I will see how long I can go without technology. I'm on overload and really don't want to use it anymore. Although I will have to use the phone on occasions I will not use it for texting, twittering, internet, facebook or anything else. I need a break to filter all the negative things out of my life right now specifically the news, media, and internet. I'm feeling sick right now and the PMS isn't helping. The easy part will be no microwave he he I don't use them anyway or own one :) So this will be my last post for a while I hope. If it doesn't work and withdraws kick in badly I will return ASAP ^_^ Wish me luck!!! I will miss you all! If you knew my address you could mail me a letter, but I doubt you all have it :( Feel free to comment on how long you think I will last. It's like a diet or getting back into working out if you can make it past 3 weeks your good to go and the dependence or cravings are less or gone. Since the blog will be private and only approved followers will be able to comment I will open the comments so they don't need to be approved. So be good and nice! Any comments posted after this weekend I will read when I return to technology. Love you all!!!!!!! MAUH!!!!!!!

100th Post

I have not been doing well lately this would include both mentally and physically. As my regular readers have noticed I twitter more than I blog now. This may be the most annoying post you have read on my blog (or maybe not) I am going to post 100 random things that most likely won't flow or make sense. Just know it's all true. Sometimes you just need to release whats in your head. This will probably be the most you ever get out of me about me and my life/experiences. So buckle your seat belt and welcome to my world/brain for a moment.

1. I'm sick of people bullshit

2. My **** *** **** ** ***

3. I want to leave this fucking country

4. My brain/emotions have been triggered by Jaycee kidnapping since I was also kidnapped as a child.

5. Why can't people accept you and your decisions they don't live your life so why tell them what you think is best for them

6. I love skittles the red pack of course

7. I just bought a pair of Juicy Couture sunglasses $100+ of course

8. Lately I've been thinking about dying and yes that means killing myself, but don't worry it will not be a huge shocker shit happens right

9. I know who my true friends are and I'm questioning one of them in my mind

10. My mom needs to get her shit together and quit falling "in love" with pedophiles

11. No amount of money will make you happy giving it to others makes me happy

12. Cubicles suck ass (Unless you sit next to BreJ)

13. I hate rap and music with profanity (I know and I'm using a lot of it right now :) )

14. I can't stand nosey people who want to be in your business

15. Less than a week ago I helped change someone mind about being baptized It felt good

16. Needy people irritate the hell out of me

17. I love watching Big Brother with my Ex for some reason it makes both of us happy

18. I use to model for American Eagle

19. I'm fluent in sign language and sometimes I wish I was deaf

20. Panda pisses me off every week

21. I'm a sucker for red heads, but I'm scared of what my children would look like o_O

22. My back hurts so bad everyday and if I took the medications I'm suppose to I would be addicted

23. I have watched people die in front of me and in my arms(and no I was never in the military)

24. I do not believe in a burning Hell

25. I believe that people who are convicted of child abuse should get life in prison and if convicted of murdering a child they should get Death

26. I am truly a Geek if you haven't already noticed

27. I really want a rotary phone I like the way they ring

28. When I use to live alone and I only had one bathroom in the apartment I would lock the door so no one could use it (people nasty!!!)

29. I have never been to jail

30. I love target shooting, but I won't use a target that is an animal

31. I am a SRA/DID survivor

32. It's amazing how this stuff just flows out of my head it's kinda scary to think that I have experience so much shit in my short life

33. I'm unsure about Marriage

34. Lately Xanax has been my best friend , but I'm not addicted (not yet)

35. I really want to be on the Amazing Race

36. I am terrrrrified of roaches I wont even kill them I scream and sometimes cry

37. I miss being in Love

38. I don't wear makeup unless it's a special occasion

39. Holidays freak me out so I always go to a movie on them (long story)

40. I have a lot of patience for children, but I don't for adults

41. I love getting pedicures

42. Red is my favorite color , but I really like pink too

43. I believe you should only kiss someone's ass if it depends on your survival (meaning death)

44. I've never worked in a restaurant or fast food place

45. When I moved to this state I saved 1K a year and in 10years I had over 10k so I bought my mom a car

46. My lil brother is a selfish lil Prick

47. My moms side of the family are Assholes

48. I'm surprised I'm still alive

49. I'm starting to feel a little better getting this crap off my chest

50. Why is it when you are accused of doing something your close family members don't ask if you did it only associates or strangers ask........ hmmm very interesting.......

51. I really enjoy blogging, but the thoughts I've had this summer are too crazy/scary to share

52. If someone asks me a question I am honest and tell them what I think. So why do they get mad if your too honest? Why ask?

53. Damn this is going to be a long Post I know were past 50 so if you need to stop reading I'm ok with it I don't blame you one bit

54. I stand for truth and righteousness

55. I delight in service and good works

56. I would die for my family

57. I would sacrifice myself to help others regardless of the consequences

58. I really love crushed ice by itself or in drinks

59. I eat pretzels everyday

60. Here is one that will blow your mind... I was conceived while my father was serving a life sentence (very long story)

61. I want to be cremated

62. I'm a Big kid at heart

63. My next computer will be a MAC I'm done with Windows (I'm still going to play City of Heroes)

64. I really dislike peanut butter

65. I order my pizza with no sauce

66. I love to cook and I'm good at it

67. When I grow up I'm going to be Canadian

68. Traveling means freedom

69. I kinda question someone if they don't have a passport or care to get one it just seems odd to me

70. Take me as I am

71. I am a unique individual and sometimes wonder why

72. I hate sleeping I normally only get 3-4hrs a night

73. I love playing video games

74. I'm an artist and love to create things and I love anime

75. I totally dislike coffee, but I love the smell of it

76. I want to go skydiving, but I can never find anyone to do it with me I don't want to do it alone
77. I'm unsure if I ever want to get married

78. I really want a pet but I'm allergic to dogs and cats

79. I could work in the dark all day if I was given the opportunity

80. Where have I been? I just discovered Wingstop OMG they have the best fries and wings of course

81. When I'm in my car I sing like I'm a superstar

82. I know every last word to the Wayne's World and Ninja Turtle movies (and I drive BreJ nuts)

83. I wonder how many people will make it this far down my list Honestly I don't know that I would read all 100 unless I kinda know the person

84. I gag when people have really bad body odor and if I have to work or be around them I breath through my mouth all day (cough cough.... Brandon)

85. One day at a time and one hour at a time gets me through life

86. This week I was told I went "Loco" on my cubicle lol truth is I did (BreJ... ya)

87. I have a blackberry and I only use 10% of it's special features

88. I have a list of things I want to do before I die and it's almost complete

89. I want to meet the Dalai Lama

90. I do not like being micro managed nor do I get along with micro managers

91. You are probably thinking "What the Hell?" If so it's ok I don't mind

92. This is the first Friday in September 2009 and I'm still unsure why I'm still here among you all

93. Life is crazy, fun, boring, shocking, amazing, disappointing, and unpredictable

94. Why do bad things happen to good people?

95. Sometimes I'm a tease and I like it

96. I go to the movies at least twice a week (yeah, I know I'm a movie whore)

97. I do not like the taste of alcohol

98. I do not like the taste of chocolate but I like the way it feels in my mouth when it melts

99. I really like bacon

100. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY @(*_*)@

If

theres a group of people out there that expect their mate to change so that their goals align with the others'

theres another group of people that do not wish for their mate to change at all and of course they do and simply respond with 'people change'

i have found myself in both of these groups with the lack of understanding that change is inevitable but we dont always recognize it as such

i now know that i dont want the impression of change to occur or bend with me in sight

if the change occurs naturally and becomes misaligned with the intentional goals sought out by both mates then it was never meant to be

if there is insight proven for a need of change then it was never meant to be

if your vocabulary/communication obstructs the truth or you can never be sure of the exact meaning put into context ...or if you are in the same book but cant find the same page...or if you are in the library at the same time but cant find the same book...trouble lurks ahead

if your goals (short and long term) dont align, then whats the point?

if you are looking for a relationship the right one will not occur, if you are not searching for a relationship it seems as though 'when it rains it pours'

then there is the term of isolation which is meant for nourishment of your soul, use this time wisely, although lonely it is time for discovery and allowment for search, growth, healing and rebirth

White House BBQ

I appreciate these pictures. I try not to blog about politics, but I could not resist this one.. President Obama and Bobby Flay on the lawn... Who doesn't like Bobby Flay? If you don't know who he is I am sorry :(

President Obama held a Father’s Day BBQ on the South Lawn at the White House on Friday, June 19th. It was a BBQ for Young Men from the D.C. area's high schools. Present at the BBQ were:

….. teenagers, young men, community mentors and everyday dads in hopes of launching what he called a national conversation on responsible fatherhood. Each story was personal. But one of them commanded the most attention: his.

He spoke at length about how his father, Barack Obama Sr., left home early. The future president was just 2 at the time and saw his dad only once more, at age 10, a short visit that still left a lasting imprint.

“I had a heroic mom and wonderful grandparents who helped raise me and my sister, and it’s because of them that I’m able to stand here today,” he told a throng of youngsters. “But despite all their extraordinary love and attention, that doesn’t’ mean that I didn’t’ feel my father’s absence. That’s something that leaves a hole in a child’s heart that a government can’t fill.”

"Just because your own father wasn’t there for you, that’s not an excuse for you to be absent also. It’s all the more reason for you to be present,” Obama said at the White House. He gave the same message earlier at an education center for young, at-risk adults."

“You have an obligation to break the cycle and to learn from those mistakes, to rise up where your own fathers fell short and do better than they did,” Obama said. “That’s what I’ve tried to do with my life.

Blogging

Lately, I've wanted to blog about so much but just haven't really posted much. I have four postings sitting in Edit post waiting to be released to the world, but I will not post them. Why? I don't know I'm just being weird I guess. I'm actually tired of everybody right now

I need a break

I need time off from work

I need to scream

I need a hug

I need hope

I need people to be honest

I need my mom

I need sleep

I need my brother

I need to loose weight

I need me back

I need more drugs for sleep

I need sex

I need a drink

I need to be free

I need to move

I need companionship

Guilty/Innocent

RULE 1You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone comments and asks!(If you want an explanation.. comment.)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this, delete my answers, type in your answers and if you reading this then tag you it :) now it's your turn.

I look forward to my viewers post (O-O)

Asked someone to marry you?Innocent

Kissed one of your Blogger friends?Innocent

Danced on a table in a bar?Innocent

Ever told a lie?Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back?Guilty

Kissed a picture?Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM?Guilty

Fallen asleep at work/school?Guilty

Held a snake?Guilty

Been suspended from school?Guilty

Worked at a fast food restaurant?Innocent

Stolen from a store?Guilty

Been fired from a job?Innocent

Done something you regret?Innocent

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?Innocent

Kissed in the rain?Innocent

Sat on a roof top?Guilty

Kissed someone you shouldn't?Guilty

Sang in the shower?Innocent

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?Innocent

Shaved your head?Guilty

Slept naked?Oops

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?Innocent

Been in a band?Innocent

Shot a gun?Guilty

Donated Blood?Guilty

Eaten alligator meat?Innocent

Ever been arrested?Guilty

Have/had a tattoo?Guilty

Liked someone, but will never tell who?Guilty

Been too honest?Guilty

Ruined a surprise?Innocent

Erased someone from your phone without them knowing?Guilty

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?Innocent

Ever been a Model? Guilty

Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?Guilty

Do you still communicate an ex?Guilty

DATING Someone?Innocent

Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?Innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?Guilty

Slept with more than one person in a 72 hour period?Innocent

Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?Innocent

Did "the do" in your parents bed?Innocent

Forced your brother/sister to ask someone out for you?Innocent

Peed on yourself after the age of 10?Guilty

Will you re post this?Guilty

25 Random Things

Here are 25 things that people don't really know about me. I wasn’t sure I would do this when I first read the tag. Here we go!

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. Pass on to 25 of your friends.

1. I was born in Seoul, South Korea. At the age of ten, I migrated to the United States with my family. They lived in Staten Island, New York. I joined the middle school drama club in the 7th grade and performed in the musical My Fair Lady

2. When I was 6yr old I stop talking for two years

3. I attended high school at the prestigious Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts, a public high school located in Manhattan

4. My father is American and meet my mother in South Korea

5. After graduation, I devoted myself full time to acting. I garnered several minor parts on MTV, in soap opera-style dramas on ABC, and on the off-Broadway stage

6. In 1996, a South Korean TV show filming in Manhattan called and persuaded me to return to my country of origin, to appear in the South Korean TV drama this was followed by two other roles

7. I love calamari I could eat it everyday if made properly as I enjoy cooking

8. Then in 1997 I was offered a script for her debut film, it was South Korea's first blockbuster film and became the highest grossing film in the history of Korean cinema in 1999

9. In 2006, Maxim named me on its annual List

10. I love anime it's truly an art that only certain people can appreciate

11. I appeared in Maxim again in 2007

12. The media attention was to much for me to handle so I began to get depressed and started having panic attacks due to me having stalkers and obsessed fans

13. I have one child who does not live with me he was giving up for adoption

14. In July 2003, signed a three-year contract with William Morris, an American agency representing Hollywood stars such as Halle Berry, Selma Hayek, and Kevin Spacey

15. In 2004 I was taping for a TV Series and had a panic attack on the set little did I know the attacks would become a daily thing. That is when I decided acting was not for me anymore

16. In 2005 I started with the company I work for now and I love it. No pressure and very relaxing. I still do modeling gigs on the side at times. I’m in the laying low status right now for my protection

17. I would like to live at sea one day

18. I enjoy traveling and must travel abroad at least once a year

19. I am currently working on a book about my life and how I ended up where I am

20. I have land and property in other States and countries but refuse to live in or on them due to my panic attacks

21. I don't like being in the sun. But, I love being outdoors

22. If you Google me you will get thousands of hits this use to freak me out, but now I'm okay with it

23. 23 has always been a lucky number for me and has never let me down

24. I do not know how much longer I will be living in the States

25. Last but not least the biggest fact of all is that Bre is an Awesome person and I hope to remain in contact with her no mater where I’m living ^_^

Gummy Bears

Gummi bear (sometimes spelled 'gummy bear'); a small, rubbery-textured confectionery, roughly two centimetres long, shaped in the form of a bear. The lil' colourful and chewy bear bits which kept me awake through the day sometimes.

I usually chew off its head first.