Crabby

I am so crabby today. My morning started off a lil stressful then I got some hopeful news. I arrived to work late due to the meeting I had to attend. Once at work I had to wrap up the project that is due today. Needless to say yesterday I was pretty much done with it I just needed to do touch ups and the power went out in the whole building Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.............. So I had to start over I got an extension on it. I'm just racking my brain right now.

I have been working on it since I got here and Bre has been kind to do my priorities for the day. What would I do without her. Thanks chickity!! While working and completely focused Shorty comes over to bug me about the key to the video conference room Agh...he said he wanted me to give it to Bre and that I didn't need it anymore. I snapped gracefully (passively) It turned into me just throwing my hands up saying take the key I don't want to have anything to do with the video conference room anymore lol lol I kinda snapped at my boss I felt like he was half ass trying to take some of my job "duties away" so I said if I can't have a key I don't want to be responsible for helping others with the set up etc...

So he proceeded to say lets talk about this at my desk blah blah blah. So he says while **whining** I'm not trying to take your responsibilities away (blah blah blah is what I was saying in my head as he was talking.) He said he was sorry for coming across like he did at my desk and said you are the one who have been here the longest doing it so we will get you a key made by security when he returns, but in the meantime for me to give my key to Bre and I said fine. I have no problem with Bre having a key she sits next to me so I can get it anytime. The point was why take my key when two others in the office have a copy who don't need it so just take one of theirs not mine when I'm the one everyone know will have a key.

He also pointed out that I was short with him at my desk. I said I agree he said ok were good? I said yes were good. Sometimes Corporate America drives me crazy. I so try to bit my tongue most of the time but today I'm Crabby!!

I don't drink but I just may have to have one after work today ^_^ A nice glass of Merlot I can so taste it right now. O.K I feel better :)

This week(Updated)

This is one of those weeks I dread. This is a very stressful week. I'm in pain and I have to deal with appts/ctdates/pro liar/pt/therapy.

I started my day at 4:30am I went to the gym and had a productive workout but had to drag my ass there once there I still felt like crap until the adrenaline started kicking in, then I was on a roll. The down side is once the workout, showering, getting ready for work is over I have about an hour til the pain starts again. I wish I could have a prescription for adrenalin^_^ it seems to keep the pain away, anyway I made it to work I think between Bre and I we equal one person today. I have two appts today, one appt tomorrow, one appt Thur, and one on Friday.

Emotionally, I am a wreck right now. TG for prescriptions they take the edge off. I'm thinking I need a vacation I need a break from life right now. I do not look forward to meeting with the liar today, but it must be done. If he wants to talk about what I think, he will be very disappointed and probably mad. My primary support people are not here right now due to a death in the family so I'm on the skating rink alone at least that's how I feel. I will do my best not to freeze up and shut down today during the liar meeting. I normally don't blog about anything to personal unless it's on my private blog, but what the hell you only live once right?

Some of you reading this may be probably thinking what the F is she talking about. It's OK if you don't get it I just need to rant/ramble. I so need my mom right now. I'm on a very thin edge of glass creeping across trying not to fall through. She should be coming to live with me soon I hope as long as she doesn't change her mind. I need her just as much as she needs me right now. We both need each other emotionally and she needs me physically for her health etc...

Time is dragging ass right now. All I can do is take it one day at a time is all I can do @(*_*)@

PS.S Lets see how long it takes the liar to cancel the appt LOL

Updated:
Ha Ha the pro liar called and cancelled of course I knew it. The amout of money I've put into him is crazy. Any how his secretary said he will call me around 3pm and we will meet over the phone lol what a bunch of poop. That is like having a doctor or therapist call you and say hey I need to cancel and I will call you instead and we will talk about your pain or problems over the phone and oh yeah by the way I still have to charge you. What a joke! He's in for a rude awaking!!

OCD

Alright, I have some OCD issues. I've actually come a long way with them. Recently, It has come back with a vengeance. I won't go into a lot of details on all of them. There is one that has completely taken over me lately. I have tried and tried to overcome it, but nothing seems to work. I know this will sound crazy (^.^)

I can no longer enter a Wal-Mart. I believe if I do I will be contaminated and die. There are way too many people there I use to go to Wal-Mart and have always felt the germs on my skin while in there I swear whenever I've gone into one I've gotten sick now I know this may be in my head, but I believe it and that's all that matters. All I hear and see when I'm there is people coughing and sneezing I'm getting the chills just writing about it. I know this is an irrational fear but it has still taken over me. I have no problem going the rest of my life not entering a Wal-Mart.

Sometimes my sis and others want to go to Wal-Mart and I cannot get out of the car to go in This sucks!!!! I'm not sure I want to overcome it, but if I want to go "shopping" with others and they want to go to Wal-mart then I need too. It only affects my social life a little not much. I don't know this is probably something I should go work on in Therapy eh!

23 years ago

Today is the anniversary of my brother being murdered I was a kid when this occurred. As the years pass it gets easier. I now know two good people who have a birthday today so that helps to put less of a damper on the feelings and I can also celebrate this day now also. I had a good day and didn't think about it much. I did have a moment and wished I was closer to visit his grave. The number 23 is also my favorite number maybe it's a sign I didn't cry once today ^_^

control, family, and religion

This morning I way just bumming around until it was time to go to the gym. A friend of mine who I attend church with texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out and drive a couples hours for a water skiing, swimming, fishing, bbq with others from church. I asked her for the details and she said it was on fb because were members of the group. So I text her and said I could not find the details on fb and asked her to log in and message me with the link. About 10 min went by then I receive a text stating "I can't get on fb because my parents blocked it" I replied "really" while thinking WTF. Long story short we ended up not going.

First of all she is 29 for crying out loud and is the youngest one in the house. Granted I know she still lives with her parents and has to abide by their rules but damn. She has lived on her own before. My take on it is that her parents are supper controlling and rather she live with them until she gets married I'm so glad I don't have parents like that. I wonder what they would do if they found out she has a myspace account ^.^ I could never live under such control regardless of my religion and because I know her personally I can say "religion has a lot to do with it" The sad thing about the whole thing is she is a good daughter and they should trust her to make her own decisions

I guess I don't understand why adults still let their parents control them by making decisions for them when they live in their house. Especially when the person knows before they go back home how controlling their parents are. I don't get it! I understand the normal rules such as not bringing a "partner" home for the night (that's disrespectful), contributing towards the house etc.. but picking your boyfriends, dictating what movies you see, approving who you hang out with and what sites you go to online. Just plain weird to me! It just goes to show how much the influence of LOVE have on people! LOVE is dangerous :)

Junior Achievement

I received another certificate today! This one is from Junior Achievement. I know it's hard to read and I removed my name. This is what it says:

This certificate is awarded to

Pea

In recognition of outstanding contributions in 2008-2009

Thank you for providing the link between education

and future opportunities for our young people.

Your inspiration will help the youth of today

become the business leaders of tomorrow

This one is from JA I have been doing JA in a day for the last couple years and I enjoy it. For those who don't know what "JA in a day" is it's a program where employees of local businesses volunteer for one day to teach a class depending on the grade decides on the topic. The first time I taught 1st graders with another volunteer. The next year I went to the same school and taught 2nd graders and the great thing about that was I had most of the same kids from the 1st grade class and they remembered me and it was my birthday what a great present :). I taught that class by myself at first I was nervous, but after I was told by the 1st grade teacher from the year before that I would have some of the same children I wasn't nervous anymore because I felt like I knew them. It was a good day and the kids were like are we going to see you when were in the 3rd grade and I told them I didn't know but I would try. That's the beauty about children they don't forget people who have been a positive influence in their life. I look forward to doing it again before the year is out ^_^

Anexoria

I know the pic isn't flattering, but it is a reality for some people. When I see women especially young girls who have this disorder it’s sad :(. On Tue and Thur when my sis and I go to the gym further North so it's closer to our jobs we encounter a woman who looks similar to the woman in the picture at the gym but worse at least by my eyes . I myself am working on losing weight I'm trying to reach the weight I was a year ago. As long as I keep up my routine I should be back to where I'm comfortable. Stress can cause a person to go through issues with food and depending on what the individual person eating habits are they could go either way toward food (that would be me) or away from food.

The interesting part was just last night I was going to bed and Oprah was coming on and it was about people who were obese to the point where death was imminent. That was also sad because it's not about people being lazy like most people think. It's a disease, an addiction just with food like alcohol they need support also. Now that I've had my dose of both extremes in a 24hr period I have finally come to accept that I am not fat it could be worse. I just need to tone some and loose some weight not a lot ^_^

Clips

I like photography. I use to carry my camera with me where ever I went. I no longer do this. The nice thing about having a phone with a nice camera on it is that I don't have to carry it with me granted it's not my SLR but it works and has a nice zoom on it. The pics are slightly blurry.

I saw this a few days ago and had to get a picture of it. I took several shots at different angles but choose this one for the post. I've always like different color paper clips so when I saw these huge paper clips (sculpture) in front of a building I thought this is cool I gotta get a picture of it. Needless to say I was late to an appt because I had to take it right that moment and not wait til after my appt. I love the color red it speaks to me :) I own so much red cloths that I have at least two loads of laundry (^.^)